Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
