theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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