I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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