we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
