okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
