I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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