did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
