i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
