I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
