At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's always time for handjobs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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