the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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