K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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