just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
