Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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