the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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