dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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