i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
