Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
