The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
