It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
