Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
