talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
