hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
