ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
