# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I could fuck to npr.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
