11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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