I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
