your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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