Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Im part way to drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
