mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
