what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
