Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
