Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
