I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
