Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
