You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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