i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
