the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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