He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Where is the hickey?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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