is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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