Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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