Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
