do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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