So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
