that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
