whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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