its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
