I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
