Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
