Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
is this the sara with the beer cane?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
