My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
