Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We left the knife in your bed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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