Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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