this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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