So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
