I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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