Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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