please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
