Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
