Can Purell be used as lube?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
